My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
