I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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