i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize