He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
