i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
