We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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