So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize