after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
