I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
