i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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