Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
operation have a gay friend backfired
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
