"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
