I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
