After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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