I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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