Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
