It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
