The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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