I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You need Xanax blowdarts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
