i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everyone says I win the strip club
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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