thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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