So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
