Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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