what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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