i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
