Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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