So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize