I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
