I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
