Your mouth is God's brothel.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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