If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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