I'm lost and stupid without you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
