i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Randomize
