people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How naked do you want me to be?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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