"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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