Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
