I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
