Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize