I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
