We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
