well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you had me at cake vodka
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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