Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
