my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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