I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
