a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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