Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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