that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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