3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize