Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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