Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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