My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
