i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
