Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
