i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
