I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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