Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
