Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
