He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I supernannyed him into submission
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
