I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
