I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
