Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
