I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
