He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize