you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
