it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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