you traded sex for a burrito?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
