I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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