i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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