He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
