When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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