So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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