I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
