As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
