this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
