the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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